Pay Yourself First

Giving and generous people sometimes have the bad habit of forgetting themselves. I try to guide many of my friends in this respect from my own lessons learned. There has to be a healthy balance between nurturing others and taking care of ourselves.

The unfortunate consequence is that we become filled with resentment and disgust at our own exhaustion with spending everything we’ve got on others instead of ourselves. What is a solution? Pay yourself first!!

Don’t wait for someone else to take care of your needs. If you’ve made your loved ones, family, friends and colleagues believe you are the “together” one who takes care of them, they probably won’t even think of taking care of you. It is simply human behavior and habit at work. Learn to take care of yourself first and when others witness this change in your values, they might even help out!

All these issues are based on perception and when you pay yourself first, you teach others your importance by giving yourself that importance. It is all the example you give them. If you care about yourself enough, others will pick up on it and respond accordingly.

I must admit, this is the most difficult “Tuesday Topic” I have dealt with so far. It brings out memories of my “martyr” mother and other self-sacrificing, victims I’ve encountered throughout my life. It is not a comfortable negotiation for me to discuss the right to selfishness or promote living for oneself due to the stigma it has brought about on me for many years. The accusations of being too self centered stemmed from my natural tendency to be happy, my party girl youth, not having had children, having bohemian friends, living on South Beach…well actually the audacity of living my life!! I am the opposite of victim without being a victimizer. I actually enjoy my life and don’t play by anyone else’s rules, what an outrage!!

Yes, I have paid myself first!! Even being as giving, generous and nurturing as many of you know me to be. I’ve led a selfish life and mostly got my way through out it. Yet, I’ve shared my successes, credited my muses and benefactors, loved many people wholeheartedly and most importantly inspired and shared the best of myself with many people.

The strength of the support I’ve given others has stemmed from my conviction to lead the life I’ve led. It has not always been the easiest road or even that of less resistance, but it’s been a hell of a ride. If you can’t take it, there are many roads to choose from. No matter what you choose, remember to pay yourself first….without you and your needs being met, there isn’t much you can contribute to the rest of us here waiting patiently.