Finding Fair

Is there such a thing as fairness? Life seems so random on how fortune, looks, health, happiness and relationships are distributed. Even within the same family, siblings can have such different fates or the luck of the draw in personal assets and talents. It never seems fair to me. Some people are simply gorgeous, some are intelligent, wealthy, athletic, funny, etc., then you have the deformed, ugly, mentally challenged, impoverished or simply unhealthy range of people. When I think of this disparity in the human race, I am filled with gratitude. So much has been given to me and is often taken for granted. It is a humbling feeling every day.

Just think of how superficial it seems when young, healthy and beautiful people complain about a few extra pounds or not having a certain shaped nose or other body part. What are they really complaining about? Haven’t they seen the homeless, sometimes physically mangled person living on the street without a home to call his/her own? What about the person who lives in hunger not knowing when the next meal might present itself? Why have we become so hung up on things that don’t really matter?

Yesterday morning I saw an image of the brutal beating Rihanna had at the rage of Chris Brown. What on earth can any person do to provoke such anger? These are two beautiful, talented young adults with seemingly everything going for them. In any relationship, we are all meant to be tender with each other. What has gone wrong in this picture? Why would anyone want to hurt such a lovely girl? My heart cried out for Rihanna's pain and humiliation, actually for Chris Brown's as well...
Does anything seem fair?

I’m a Libra and always seeking balance. I detest injustice and anything ugly like racism, any form of violence, rudeness and mean spiritedness. Libras are lovers of fairness and harmony. However, I am acutely aware of the lack of fairness everywhere. It doesn’t make sense and it doesn’t make excuses, it is just life. Find fairness where you can, but it isn’t distributed evenly.

Unfortunately, there isn’t any way to fix the disparity in the world. The only thing we can do is live as fairly as possible. Follow the golden rule, don’t be seduced by superficiality, treat everyone with good will and live with an open, generous heart. Be tender, mindful of other people’s feelings, take interest in those around you, never lose your spirit and spread as much happiness as humanly possible. We only have each other and within that miracle of existence is the key to fairness. Create the world you’d like to live in everyday by creating the fairness you wish to find.

Davis and Dow Cd release of Loverly

On Saturday, February 21st from 9PM to 1AM come see Davis and Dow perform at

Upstairs at the Van Dyke Cafe
846 Lincoln Road (at Jefferson Ave.)
Tel: 305.534.3600
http://www.thevandykecafe.com/upstairs/UpstairsCalendar.swf

Multi award winning jazz duo DavisAndDow describe themselves as soul mates that are two strong halves of one BIG sound. They explore jazz and pop standards with a daring sense of abandon and share a style deeply rooted in the classic jazz tradition but with playfulness that keeps the music fresh and fun. “Playing music in front of a live audience is an increasingly visual medium. The artist has to interact with the audience and have them live through the music as they experience the song. The connection of the artist and audience is crucial unlike a recording where it just has to sound great. Live music requires full communication of the musical journey during each set or evening performance.” Believes Julie Davis of DavisAndDow and her husband Kelly Dow agrees with her.

It is apparent when performing, Julie will flirt Betty Boop style as she croons a Billy Holiday classic. Her playfulness is extended to a little boy, a security guard at the venue and a woman in a wheel chair with the same delight of sharing her melody. The band changes speeds into a samba with the ease and grace of Carmen Miranda to delight all the onlookers and they dance by an open air venue.

The DavisAndDow journey started when Kelly Dow began guitar lessons at the age of twelve. He joined a Top 40 high school band in which led him to study jazz in college at the University of North Texas. To Kelly, "Music is so amazing; it is a never ending quest and challenge. There is always a new mountain to climb." His early studies with Jackie King in San Antonio then later with Jack Peterson at North Texas were his greatest inspirations as well as the ultimate jazz record by Joe Pass “Two for the Road.”

Meanwhile, Julie Davis was growing up in a home infused with music. She told me, "We had an amazing record (vinyl) collection from when I was a little girl- they taught me so much." Julie and her siblings created shows for the family or for her stuffed animals when the adults were busy. Julie’s greatest inspiration was Ella Fitzgerald’s Live in Carnegie Hall Newport Jazz Festival recording from July 1973. It was the summation of Ella’s entire career, which led Julie to win her first talent show scatting to the song Lemon Drop.

Fate had the musical duo meet through a musicians newspaper add. Julie moved to Florida to pursue her career and her mom encouraged her to submit a classified for The Rag. It read, “Looking for musician…singer into Ella…” This solicitation stood out to Kelly who was docked for a break from playing on a cruise ship. He was the third call in response and when Julie heard his voice and that he studied at North Texas, she knew it would be a good fit. They met at an open mic event with Julie’s mom tagging along to check Kelly out. Both Julie and her mom liked Kelly instantly; the duo performed “How High the Moon” and has stayed together since that night. "I feel blessed, to get to play the music I love most in this world, with the person I love most in this world.” Said Kelly, “… now if we could just get the lotto numbers right."

Aside from being deeply in love, what keeps Julie and Kelly together artistically is their passion for improvisation and freedom in expressing themselves with music. They usually hire other musicians to work with them for percussion, base or violin and agree on certain issues like timeliness, dress code, being a challenging counterpart, passion and not being jaded in respect to musical performance. They also agree that the perfect audience consists of attentive, joyful listeners who are open to the experience and the performing arts in general. They told me, "We received a letter from a woman who would go on road trips with her father and listen to our CD. Her father had passed away and she just wanted us to know how much she and her father loved the music and how it means so much to her today, bringing back some special memories for her. That really touched us, and I think one of the purposes for art is to connect and share with people on a deeper level." And when they’ve given themselves entirely in an evening of music, they return home to their cats and some relaxation. Julie loves to exercise or work on different hobbies, while Kelly practices and further develops his guitar skills.

Fans can join their mailing list and find which venues they will be performing at their website: www.DavisandDow.com

A version of this article was printed in DUO Magazine in Summer 2008.

Pay Yourself First

Giving and generous people sometimes have the bad habit of forgetting themselves. I try to guide many of my friends in this respect from my own lessons learned. There has to be a healthy balance between nurturing others and taking care of ourselves.

The unfortunate consequence is that we become filled with resentment and disgust at our own exhaustion with spending everything we’ve got on others instead of ourselves. What is a solution? Pay yourself first!!

Don’t wait for someone else to take care of your needs. If you’ve made your loved ones, family, friends and colleagues believe you are the “together” one who takes care of them, they probably won’t even think of taking care of you. It is simply human behavior and habit at work. Learn to take care of yourself first and when others witness this change in your values, they might even help out!

All these issues are based on perception and when you pay yourself first, you teach others your importance by giving yourself that importance. It is all the example you give them. If you care about yourself enough, others will pick up on it and respond accordingly.

I must admit, this is the most difficult “Tuesday Topic” I have dealt with so far. It brings out memories of my “martyr” mother and other self-sacrificing, victims I’ve encountered throughout my life. It is not a comfortable negotiation for me to discuss the right to selfishness or promote living for oneself due to the stigma it has brought about on me for many years. The accusations of being too self centered stemmed from my natural tendency to be happy, my party girl youth, not having had children, having bohemian friends, living on South Beach…well actually the audacity of living my life!! I am the opposite of victim without being a victimizer. I actually enjoy my life and don’t play by anyone else’s rules, what an outrage!!

Yes, I have paid myself first!! Even being as giving, generous and nurturing as many of you know me to be. I’ve led a selfish life and mostly got my way through out it. Yet, I’ve shared my successes, credited my muses and benefactors, loved many people wholeheartedly and most importantly inspired and shared the best of myself with many people.

The strength of the support I’ve given others has stemmed from my conviction to lead the life I’ve led. It has not always been the easiest road or even that of less resistance, but it’s been a hell of a ride. If you can’t take it, there are many roads to choose from. No matter what you choose, remember to pay yourself first….without you and your needs being met, there isn’t much you can contribute to the rest of us here waiting patiently.

If You Forget Me, by Pablo Neruda

I want you to know one thing. You know how this is: if I look at the crystal moon, at the red branch of the slow autumn at my window, if I touch near the fire the impalpable ash or the wrinkled body of the log, everything carries me to you, as if everything that exists, aromas, light, metals, were little boats that sail toward those isles of yours that wait for me. Well, now, if little by little you stop loving me I shall stop loving you little by little. If suddenly you forget me do not look for me, for I shall already have forgotten you. If you think it long and mad, the wind of banners that passes through my life, and you decide to leave me at the shore of the heart where I have roots, remember that on that day, at that hour, I shall lift my arms and my roots will set off to seek another land. But if each day, each hour, you feel that you are destined for me with implacable sweetness, if each day a flower climbs up to your lips to seek me, ah my love, ah my own, in me all that fire is repeated, in me nothing is extinguished or forgotten, my love feeds on your love, beloved, and as long as you live it will be in your arms without leaving mine. Pablo Neruda

Refusal: A poem by Maya Angelou

Beloved,
In what other lives or lands
Have I known your lips
Your Hands
Your Laughter brave
Irreverent.
Those sweet excesses that
I do adore.
What surety is there
That we will meet again,
On other worlds some
Future time undated.
I defy my body's haste.
Without the promise
Of one more sweet encounter
I will not deign to die.

Maya Angelou

About My Love…

When my heart swells with longing for you, I can’t remember the past. My feelings overcome me as if I never felt any other emotion. The sensation blocks all other experiences and I feel engulfed in this journey towards you.

Slowly I discover the way you think, your patterns of behavior, the way you gesture or switch thoughts…the silences pregnant with longing.

I sometimes think of the intentness with which you touch my hands. How you study my fingers as if they could unlock some mystery.

The wait and anticipation of our next encounter grows as does our understanding. I’ve never felt so close to someone so distant, strange or unusual yet so familiar.

You’ve become part of my psyche with a flavor of eternal.

In short, Happy Valentine’s Day!

Kisses

Portrait of the moon by Deborah Carney for Loxly Galleries.

Patience is a Virtue, HA!!

When I was a little defenseless girl, the nuns at my school would tell me that patience was a virtue. It was meant to soothe my accelerated nature and actually frustrated me all the more. The reason being, I didn’t understand the concept. Unfortunately, I still don’t. What about being patient is so virtuous? What is the big deal? Is anything going to happen faster or slower due to one’s attitude towards it? I don’t get it!!

If I am dealing with someone who has some physical or mental deficiency, I know he won’t react as fast. By the same token I can’t move or think as fast as people who are stronger and brighter than I. Patience has nothing to do with it.

I couldn’t wait to make my own life decisions when I was an adolescent, and I had to wait until I entered my twenties to decide my own fate. Patience didn’t change that either!!

I yearn for certain hours and days to pass and it doesn’t change the measure of time. I long for the company of certain people and they manifest on their own pace. What I feel may attract them, but what happens and when is totally out of my control.

What does virtue have to do with it? Do things happen faster or better to those whom possess virtue or behave well? Isn’t that as empty as saying that blondes have more fun? Virtue has its own rewards by being good by intrinsic value. I still don’t see how patience plays a part in it…

I mean, if you’re hot, you want something cold. And when you are cold, you seek warmth. Patience doesn’t make the situation more comfortable. It might just delay relief. When I need to pay some bills or want a material thing, I seek earning the money I need for it. I don’t wait for it to manifest by my attracting the concept. Impatience imposes action, which is what is necessary to make things happen. How is that ever a virtue? Shall I just sit around waiting? I’d rather sleep or watch a video.

Let's not wait around...get up and do something!!

My Favorite Grammy's Band:

Radiohead is the freshest sound I've heard in a while:



15 STEP LYRICS - RADIOHEAD (IN RAINBOWS ALBUM)

RADIOHEAD (IN RAINBOWS ALBUM) LYRICS - 15 STEP

How come I end up where I started
How come I end up where I went wrong
Don’t take your eyes off the ball again
You reel me out then you cut the string
(repeat 2x)

You used to be alright
What happened?
Did the cat get your tongue
Did your string come undone
One by one
One by one
Slow procession
Silence is golden

You used to be alright
What happened?
Etcetera
Etcetera
Thanks for whatever
15 steps then a sheer drop

How come I up end where I started
How come I end up where I belong
Won’t take my eyes off the ball again
You reel me in then you let me in

————————————————–
15 STEP LYRICS - RADIOHEAD Song Words

Single Song Words by Artist / Band : RADIOHEAD
Lyrics Title : 15 STEP
Taken from Album : IN RAINBOWS
Single Released : 10 October 2007
Music Genre : Alternative Rock Music

If Robert Plant wrote a letter...

and no one read it...would it be written?



An interesting, haunting song filled with longing.

I can never possess you!

This morning, I woke up missing the object of my affection. My powerlessness came to my mind on wishing he were near me at that moment. First of all, I’m sure he’d be with me if he could be. Sometimes circumstances of work or other obligations separate people. Second, he has free will. People are usually exactly where they want to be at any particular moment in their lives. Lastly, I have no way of controlling where he or anyone else is. As selfish as I am, I never can determine anyone else’s fate or existence.

So, when someone says “I’m yours" or "You’re mine,” as sweet and interesting it may sound, it doesn’t go much further than that. It really isn’t so.

If we are lucky, we belong to ourselves and have some say in our daily lives and ultimately our fate. Most people are victims of other circumstances outside of them, where they were born, how and what has happened to them along the way. As a child of a family of non-conformers, I was told I had power over my own destiny and could create my own lot in the world. My parents also warned me of the pitfalls of certain mistakes and errors in judgment which automatically destroy those possibilities in life. They taught me to observe and learn about life to avoid many mistakes and attempt to live wisely. I’m glad I listened.

It was also my father who told me that once you have a child, it isn’t really yours anymore. “Children don’t belong to their parents, they belong to the world. A parent’s job is merely to raise them and teach them how to live.” I am not a parent, so what I understood was the pain in my father’s powerlessness and realized it was true of all relationships. We really have no say in anything, do we? We can only love and support each other and hope the feelings and commitment are returned.

Instead of sadness, I felt joy at the idea. It is actually liberating to feel what you feel regardless of the outcome and let the chips fall where they may!!

Doubt is the enemy of peace of mind

The other night I had a compelling conversation with a new friend about doubt not having a place in any type of relationship. If trust is the solid foundation of what we build in either a personal or business relationship, then doubt destroys the very core of its existence. Unfortunately, in a challenged economy as we are facing, the lines of trust are being trampled by desperation. It must be stopped. It must not be tolerated. Integrity must be defended at all costs for the protection of our businesses and the fabric of our daily lives as solid individuals.

What I wonder is why certain people are risking solid relationships on a quick fix or temporary solution? If I’ve been your well paid customer for a certain established amount of time, why jeopardize it? Is it worth the long term loss?

These are times when clear communication and steadfastness are crucial to the survival and health of all existing relationships. It is one of the determining factors of who will survive or perish when tough choices must be made. This is where value comes in and it would be naïve to believe that value of cost is not directly linked to personal values.

In that respect, it follows through on the personal value and integrity of an individual. Do you create doubt or insecurity in your personal relationships? If so, why? What is the aim or goal behind it? Are you aware of how the personal aspects of your character override into your professional life? Well, it does like it or not. What determines whether an individual works with you or not is also based on what they perceive about your person and if they like you or not. People do business with people they like sometimes regardless of their skills. People do repeat and refer business with people they trust, depending on how you have treated them in the past.

You never know who you'll meet…

Isn’t it thrilling? The unexpected nature of life itself absolutely enchants me daily. You never know who you’ll meet or what might happen. It just does! There really is never a dull moment if you open yourself to all the possibilities life has in store for you.

My entire life has been an adventure. Nothing has been planned or rehearsed, I wasn’t programmed by my family or upbringing to follow a certain path, nothing was preordained for me…it was a free form creative process I’m still working on. I hope to someday obtain the status of what Oscar Wilde talked about when he said some people made art while others lived art. Well, I hope to live art and enjoy my masterpiece with all I meet…because, well…you never know who you’ll meet…

A month ago today, I met an amazing man I am absolutely intrigued by. A week later I met extraordinary people who are probably contributing to the Tuesday Topic experience today. The week after I met a new group of people I’m currently working with…the list expands, the world widens and our perceptions of life never are the same. We mold each other with our actions and attitudes everyday. Then we meet more people and more ideas are shared, new projects are born and then…life itself is transformed.

When writers express the adage, “You can never go home again,” it has to do with all the journeys we take figuratively as well as literally. And as well traveled as you may be, aren’t the people in your life the biggest trips you’ve ever had? I’m sure you are thinking of some of them right now….I won’t disturb your experience with my stories and allow you to reflect.

Before the holidays, I met one of the most fascinating women ever! Her name is Margaret Kent and she wrote How to Marry the Man of Your Choice. What a compelling, dynamite and delightful woman she is! Her wit and charm surpass almost anyone humanly possible. By the way her husband smiles and responds to her, she must be the most wonderful companion known on earth. Well, she coached me on meeting eligible bachelors by instructing me to say hello to all the men I run across for a week. My assignment was to greet 100 men without necessarily creating conversation. Talk about never knowing who you’ll meet! It was curiously simple to greet 100 men, but the best part was sharing stories about my experiences doing so! I had so much fun; I don’t ever have to do it again. Please try it…you never know who you’ll meet!!

Do you trust your feelings?

(for Kerry)

As a 44 year old, divorced woman with my share of life’s mistakes; perhaps I should have married someone else, had children, studied towards a completely different career or chosen to live in some other city /country. Here I am and here I am…A conglomeration of the decisions and choices I’ve made and mistakes I’ve committed. Luckily, I sleep well and night and I truly like the person I’ve become. I enjoy what I do for a living, have wonderful friends and live a comfortable life in South Beach. When I review what I have done and how I lived up to this point, I am at peace and enjoy my memories. The only regret I sometimes have is not always having trusted my instincts completely. There were times that I knew certain outcomes without any proof, yet I ignored them. I didn’t listen to the inner voice which we all possess telling me what is right in front of me. Inevitably, the outcome was exactly what I knew it would be and I wasted my time giving either the situation or person a chance. Stupid I…What I wonder is if I created the waste of time by my thoughts or if my perceptions were right on target from the get go.

Do you trust your feelings? When you meet someone and they seem like a soul mate or just the person you were expecting to welcome into your life, are those signals correct? Is it just wishful thinking?

When I was in college, I met someone I thought should be an artist. He had never considered art as an occupation much less as anything to consider pursuing. I convinced him, knowing deep within my soul that he was an untapped source of creativity and needed to develop. Now, he is a major, international curator and lives a life few even dare to dream about. I tapped into something there! I knew it.

Recently, I met a man where we both feel an amazing connection. Should we trust it? Believe me, I’ve been attracted to men before and felt special vibes on other occasions. Somehow this time is different…there is a knowing although I really don’t “know him.”

So, should I trust it and embrace the inner consciousness that tells me this is my soul mate or should I be apprehensive and wait to know everything I can possibly know about him and overanalyze every word, step and gesture? Right! I don’t have that type of attention span, but you know what I mean…the real question is about trusting one’s instincts and inner voice. The reality is that there have been great works of literature and endless movies exploring the complexity of relationships and the fact that after sharing a lifetime together, you may one day wake up to someone you never knew. The complexity even grows deeper into the realization of the individual not having even known him or her. We never “really” know!

So, why don’t we trust it? We don’t trust ourselves. It has nothing to do with the other individual. We don’t trust our choices, judgment and risk taking…We don’t really trust ourselves! What a concept.

Now let’s break this down a bit. Think about your life disappointments AND successes. Wasn’t the difference usually your attitude and outlook? Or do you believe the old adage that “the road to hell is paved with good intentions” and we have no part in the outcome? It may just come down to what you choose to believe.

Oh, the Places You'll Go!

(For my friends....sometimes we forget the greatest wisdom we learned as children.)

Congratulations!
Today is your day.
You're off to Great Places!
You're off and away!

You have brains in your head.
You have feet in your shoes
You can steer yourself
any direction you choose.
You're on your own. And you know what you know.
And YOU are the guy who'll decide where to go.

You'll look up and down streets. Look 'em over with care.
About some you will say, "I don't choose to go there."
With your head full of brains and your shoes full of feet,
you're too smart to go down any not-so-good street.

And you may not find any
you'll want to go down.
In that case, of course,
you'll head straight out of town.

It's opener there
in the wide open air.

Out there things can happen
and frequently do
to people as brainy
and footsy as you.

And when things start to happen,
don't worry. Don't stew.
Just go right along.
You'll start happening too.

OH!
THE PLACES YOU'LL GO!

You'll be on your way up!
You'll be seeing great sights!
You'll join the high fliers
who soar to high heights.

You won't lag behind, because you'll have the speed.
You'll pass the whole gang and you'll soon take the lead.
Wherever you fly, you'll be the best of the best.
Wherever you go, you will top all the rest.

Except when you don' t
Because, sometimes, you won't.

I'm sorry to say so
but, sadly, it's true
and Hang-ups
can happen to you.

You can get all hung up
in a prickle-ly perch.
And your gang will fly on.
You'll be left in a Lurch.

You'll come down from the Lurch
with an unpleasant bump.
And the chances are, then,
that you'll be in a Slump.

And when you're in a Slump,
you're not in for much fun.
Un-slumping yourself
is not easily done.

You will come to a place where the streets are not marked.
Some windows are lighted. But mostly they're darked.
A place you could sprain both you elbow and chin!
Do you dare to stay out? Do you dare to go in?
How much can you lose? How much can you win?

And IF you go in, should you turn left or right...
or right-and-three-quarters? Or, maybe, not quite?
Or go around back and sneak in from behind?
Simple it's not, I'm afraid you will find,
for a mind-maker-upper to make up his mind.

You can get so confused
that you'll start in to race
down long wiggled roads at a break-necking pace
and grind on for miles across weirdish wild space,
headed, I fear, toward a most useless place.
The Waiting Place...

...for people just waiting.
Waiting for a train to go
or a bus to come, or a plane to go
or the mail to come, or the rain to go
or the phone to ring, or the snow to snow
or waiting around for a Yes or a No
or waiting for their hair to grow.
Everyone is just waiting.

Waiting for the fish to bite
or waiting for wind to fly a kite
or waiting around for Friday night
or waiting, perhaps, for their Uncle Jake
or a pot to boil, or a Better Break
or a sting of pearls, or a pair of pants
or a wig with curls, or Another Chance.
Everyone is just waiting.

NO!
That's not for you!

Somehow you'll escape
all that waiting and staying.
You'll find the bright places
where Boom Bands are playing.

With banner flip-flapping,
once more you'll ride high!
Ready for anything under the sky.
Ready because you're that kind of a guy!

Oh, the places you'll go! There is fun to be done!
There are points to be scored. there are games to be won.
And the magical things you can do with that ball
will make you the winning-est winner of all.
Fame! You'll be famous as famous can be,
with the whole wide world watching you win on TV.

Except when they don't.
Because, sometimes, they won't.

I'm afraid that some times
you'll play lonely games too.
Games you can't win
'cause you'll play against you.

All Alone!
Whether you like it or not,
Alone will be something
you'll be quite a lot.

And when you're alone, there's a very good chance
you'll meet things that scare you right out of your pants.
There are some, down the road between hither and yon,
that can scare you so much you won't want to go on.

But on you will go
though the weather be foul
On you will go
though your enemies prowl
On you will go
though the Hakken-Kraks howl
Onward up many
a frightening creek,
though your arms may get sore
and your sneakers may leak.

On and on you will hike
and I know you'll hike far
and face up to your problems
whatever they are.

You'll get mixed up, of course,
as you already know.
You'll get mixed up
with many strange birds as you go.
So be sure when you step.
Step with care and great tact
and remember that Life's
a Great Balancing Act.
Just never forget to be dexterous and deft.
And never mix up your right foot with your left.

And will you succeed?
Yes! You will, indeed!
(98 and 3 / 4 percent guaranteed.)

KID, YOU'LL MOVE MOUNTAINS!

So...
be your name Buxbaum or Bixby or Bray
or Mordecai Ali Van Allen O'Shea,
you're off to Great Places!
Today is your day!
Your mountain is waiting.
So...get on your way!

---Dr. Seuss