Lonely Hearts Online

I’m no stranger to online chats, personals and dating sites. It was my oasis after my divorce in 2000 when I was clueless to what was out there. However, I am really worried about what has been happening in that cyber world of singles and mingles with all the wrong motives. It has and is destroying too many relationships and psyches. It definitely is taking a toll on my mind.

Infidelity is taking a new dimension online and it is really frightening. It ruined a high profile career this year in NY State. It has ruined multiple relationships I know of close friends of mine. It has also caused marriages out of these virtual unions that many times last longer than traditional courtship ones.

What disturbs me is that it isn’t real. I’ve had online friendships and met many people through social media, but the majority of these connections I’ve had throughout the years are based on fiction. There are also many extremely lonely people on these sites that have lost their ability to connect and relate to real people. The “safeness” of online romances is taking over dealing with real feelings and issues in daily life relationships. The fantasy of love and acceptance is virtual, not three-dimensional.

And yet, feelings are feelings. If you dream about a cyber friend/mate, then it is real in your brain. Except, it is a fantasy world. This is not reality and like an old movie I loved in the eighties called Brainstorm, it can really distort your life and views, perhaps even your values.



It has come to the point that I even use FB with caution. In reality, I don’t know most of my “friends” and have no idea who they are. It really freaks me out when I’m addressed directly by someone and I have no idea of who they are. It is different when people introduce themselves and give some sort of reference as to who, what and why they are addressing you. But out of the blue, writing as if they know you? Pretty freaky!

...then there are the emotional predators, but that will be another blog.

Freedom

What is the meaning of Freedom? I hear Janice Joplin singing in my mind. I feel the defiance with which I have lived. I know the price of freedom and the addictive quality of having and keeping it. It is a wild streak within the Figueredo family...we are fiercely independent. It is not always the best trait to have.

On the other hand, it is wonderful to be free! I do what I want, when I want with whomever I want. It feels pretty damn good! I chose this too. When I was growing up and saw the life many of my peers had ahead of them, I ran. I flew down to Miami the day after I graduated from high school to avoid the marriage and children thing. Then the bohemian life set in and I haven't left it since. It has been a great ride! Sometimes my life has been irresponsible, sometimes lonely, but mostly adventurous and mainly happy. I am at peace with my decisions.

It is probably more of a burden on those around me who don't really understand why I won't show up when I don't feel like company. Sometimes I choose to spend weekends in solitude or vacation alone. Holidays are usually a nuisance for me and I prefer to hang with old friends than relatives most of the time. I pursue my projects and interests completely absorbed and unaware of how time passes. It makes me forgetful and sometimes unaware of other obligations.

I forgot to grow up. Many times I've stormed out of jobs, relationships and situations without looking back with the maturity level of a three year old. "I'm done!" I'd think and walk away without really knowing what the outcome would be and then of course the repercussions would come later.


Now is that freedom? Well, if you think of how some women live in oppressive societies then yes. Even some orthodox groups in our own country keep women from experiencing the joys of traveling or going out on adventures as I have. Women don't always get to truly discover who they are without being identified with a spouse, her parents or children.

I always think of the Billie Holiday song "Ain't Nobody's Business If I Do!" and "if I get the notion to jump into the ocean, ain't no body's business if I do..." I believe it is a true anthem of freedom.