If I make an effort to achieve something...I'm probably not feeling it. There is something forced about effort. All good things in life should come effortlessly. Living with ease and grace is the opposite of effort; it is effortless. Although achieving the effortless grace and ease might come at a considerable amount of discipline and practicing beforehand.
Any relationship, friendship or partnership that requires effort leading to mental, emotional or intellectual exhaustion should be avoided. Life should be like a dance and your body should sway with the rhythms that present themselves while your feet follow the tempo. After a few moments of figuring it out, it should come naturally. It becomes second nature like breathing.
Life can be like a rollercoaster ride. Just imagine how wonderful it is when you can raise your arms in the air and trust the force of gravity while your hair whips wildly with the speed of the ride. It doesn't require any effort. It requires letting go and enjoying life as it comes.
The news of Amy Winehouse’s death struck me with a sense of grief I’ve been feeling a lot lately. I wonder if people realize how precious every moment of our lives is when they are living it. Each time you experience a real connection, shared moments of peace, joy, fear, elation, shared satisfaction, rage or repent in real time. Do most people ever feel how alive they are? Is fear overrunning our existence or just making us find more weapons of mass distraction in hyper-sensational activities?
I was wondering the other day, if expressing love and caring has become too passe. Is it too old fashioned or absurdist due to overuse? Does it mean anything after the up-tenth marriage or union to feel madly and hopelessly in love? Is the fear of FaceBook or dating sites destroying relationships going to completely obliterate old-fashioned courtship? Will Jennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony remain friends? Does anyone know how intense and profound Jenny McCarthy showing her inflated pregnant body means in a world where women rather are thought of as hot rather than accomplished?
In this failed economy, I’ve been asked to work from 8am to 6pm and then resume work in the evening and weekends to file reports of my activities. I’ve owned two businesses in my life and never worked that hard! How does anyone choose to work over living and experiencing life? Does each day only seem like a gift to a few of us? Even if you own all the profits and benefits to your own success, what does it buy you in the end?
As a child, I’d frighten myself trying to imagine death. I’d hold my breath and try to imagine an empty void of nothingness. The whole floating on a cloud with cherubs or burning in hell just didn’t convince me. I saw lifeless inanimate beings and felt the life source was out of them. It, the live force, was merely over.
Now, I think of a profound sleep and the pain of waking from it. Death must be something like that drifting into nothingness and never returning. It doesn’t scare me, but I still have a lot of living and experiencing to do. So, Death, if you are reading this, I’m not done yet. There is a lot more I need to see and do before I’m done on this plane of existence.
Back to Amy…Artists are sometimes so sensitive, so aware, that it is earth shattering to be them. Imagine if a song, a tune or combination of words can break your heart or take your breath away for an instant. What is that artist experiencing? It blows my mind to try to fathom it. I can only try to imagine that intensity.
Amy was an original, a great talent and true artist, but also a troubled soul. Honestly, because of her youth I didn’t take her breakup with her husband seriously. I didn’t see her addictions as something that would win over the beautiful soul I saw within her. I hoped as I do with Whitney Houston, that they would come back stronger and wiser with a real “forget” you attitude and show the world they could overcome hard challenges. I still hope for Whitney as I hope for Tiger and even that thrill-seeking New York politician exposing his sexual emptiness online.
We all have faults and weaknesses, and it is what makes us both human and lovable. It is wonderful to share space with a true friend or lover where you can just hang loose and be the real idiot no outsider will ever know. It is quite delicious. I prefer to stay home or visit people who I share this strange feeling with often. Life has taught me that the satisfaction of life is not external. Happiness is within us and meant to be shared. If we are lucky, we can express it to those wonderful people around us and feel completely connected and free.
Happiness is the life force itself. The Chinese dragon is a depiction of that energy. It is wild and exciting filled with possibility. Like life itself it is unpredictable and can not be controlled or tempered. It is the surprise of the unexpected and the promise of the unknown.
Life is a one way ride that can be very enjoyable. One of the greatest joys in life is to wake up to a new day of adventure. If seeing life as an adventure is possible, then it is rarely mundane. To embrace each moment and breathe in elements of change is essential for happiness.
Personally, I am happy because I choose to be so. I love taking naps. Getting fresh air. Washing my face. Calling a friend. Lounging with good company. Deciding what beverage will quench my thirst. These are all pleasurable experiences for me that bring me joy. I like laughing out loud and embarrassing others or myself with our humanity. It is fun to be human. We are cute, funny and sometimes really awkward beings.
A sunny day with a cool breeze is happiness. It makes everything look a little sharper. Animals get frisky and people wear soft knits that usually make them look nice. The last few days have had that quality and the sun is at an angle that gives off golden light in the late afternoon. I love this time of year…
The ability to appreciate simple pleasures is happiness.
"It takes courage to love," says Maya Angelou to Dave Chappelle on Iconoclasts for the Sundance Channel. Yes, I must agree. "You risk everything," she smiles with a knowing nod and my heart breaks.
A few years ago, I had a health scare where I feared to have begun my road towards heart disease. My blood pressure had become very much elevated and I was experiencing chest pains. The philosopher within me was seeing the metaphor of how many times my heart has been broken and how much I've subjected my feelings to. I've been rough on my emotions and lived quite intensely. Maybe the time had come to give my heart a little break and take some medication to ease the work it goes through.
After a series of tests, I discovered the old tick tock is doing just fine. My blood pressure is okay and my beat goes on splendidly. So much for my lapse into middle age, apparently my body isn't ready to age just yet. I'm getting a second chance to do better for myself and work on maintenance. Time for some gratitude and a health kick!!
How does this apply to risk taking and courage? Well, it hasn't killed me yet!!
As I look back on my life, I think I've lived somewhat recklessly. I've quit jobs at a whim. Kicked people out of my life for whatever reason I felt was important at the time. I've traveled across the country for the hell of it for an adventure. I pursued and met the most intriguing people because I just had to, traveled with them and collaborated on fascinating projects together.
What is the price of risk taking? Oh, I love my life. My choices have separated me from many dear people and also created a lot of loneliness when others don't understand why I must do what I do. I've lost many things along the way, but oh the wonderful insights and lessons I've earned. There are many battle scars on my warrior soul, but the journey into the unknown has been amazing.
In retrospect, I don't know if I've really had courage. Maybe the biggest element of my choices has been the fear of being miserable in complacent living. Settling for unhappiness is the most frightening thought that kills the human spirit. Heaven forbid!!
Life has blessed me with the immense opportunity and privilege to have made a difference in many young lives. My career in education started in the late 1980s and spanned until a year or so ago. I taught hundreds of children how to bring literature to life, write whimsical tales and read fluently. However, the most important thing I taught anyone was compassion and self respect. That was relayed upon these young minds through example and storytelling. It came across through my simply loving them and listening to their stories. It reached their hearts through how I'd look at them and greet them in the morning. It stayed with them because it was sincere and heartfelt.
That skill and open heartedness permeated my life and way of being. It was like a Zen practice and just became the way I interact with people. Upon meeting me, most people feel it. It is a warm understanding and appreciation of another person's being. It is rooted in my own understanding and acceptance of me.
Fortunately, I was given the opportunity to travel around the country and spread this method of teaching to many school districts and teachers. As I was teaching them how to use innovative technologies and software, I also taught them teaching strategies that inspire both children and adults alike. I spoke very openly about compassion. Technology is just an excuse, I'd tell them.
Basically, I truly believe that the best way to make a difference is to live according to your beliefs. Live with conviction, principals and integrity...it doesn't have to be exposed or berated. Just live the example and live the dream.
This type of attitude permeates your life and instantly influences others. There is no escaping it.
If I make an effort to achieve something...I'm probably not feeling it. There is something forced about effort. All good things in life should come effortlessly. Living with ease and grace is the opposite of effort; it is effortless. Although achieving the effortless grace and ease might come at a considerable amount of discipline and practicing beforehand.
