Influences

Everything around us influences how we think and react. The colors on your walls, furniture, the daily weather, how you fit in your jeans, your friends, your lovers, the way people walk and drive around you, the interactions at the drive thru window, the balance on your bank account, how your hair looks...you name it. The moment you believe an event or person in your life isn't influencing you, you are lost. It all matters, every bit of it. Accordingly, everything you do matters and influences the world around you. There is no escape.

As you are reading this, I am affecting your psyche. You may agree, connect or completely turn off with my words and ideas. Like it or not, you will never be the same. I have just ingrained my thoughts and words into your brain. We are now connected.

If you really digest this, then I plead to you to be gentle. Be aware of your thoughts, actions and reactions. We are all a part of each other and have a huge impact on the world. The challenge is to be the person you admire and share it with the world for all to enjoy.

Let's elevate each other!!

The Winner Takes It All

I didn't understand this song until I saw Meryl Streep's version of it on Mamma Mia:



It isn't clear to me why it never clicked for me. I guess I didn't know how it felt to lose at love yet.

Who am I today?

Today, I am a dreamer, a writer and a lover of life. My identity isn’t really attached too much, I just enjoy being, thinking and living the moment. The stronger aspects of my life involve my values, my friends and family. There aren’t many materials things that really define me except living on South Beach. I can’t say I’m much attached too much, but I do love my little condo and my dragon collection. Other than that, well, I adore the wonderful people in my life and living as I please.

Who am I? Good question. I am Ana-Maria Figueredo, born in Brooklyn, raised in Queens and a product of Catholic schools in New Jersey. Gee, that’s scary!! I have a BA in English Literature and MS in Educational Technology. I’m a daughter, aunt, ex-wife, ex-girlfriend, mentor, teacher, student, and hard working woman. Sometimes I’m just a woman, sometimes I’m just a spirit and sometimes I’m nothing at all but pure being.

Today, I’m a woman who has become increasingly:
• compassionate with others
• intolerant of stupidity or vulgarity
• a bit isolated
• a firm believer in goodness and purity of spirit
• a hopefully-not-hopeless-romantic
• someone who never gives up or in
• I laugh or cry easily
• I embrace with all my being
• all animals and children are precious to me
• I enjoy opera, blues/jazz or any form of great musical talent
• I’ve seen most of the United States
• I’ve shared special moments with people of all walks of life
• Each day I feel we aren’t getting the right answers because we aren’t asking the right questions.
• I think the right questions are the key to reality.

However, that isn’t the answer is it?

Who am I today?
A woman writing a blog and expressing her thoughts about her identity.

Who am I today?
Spirit

Who am I today?
Being

Who am I today so you can understand me?
Label me as you wish. Essence is can not be defined, it is perceived.

Who am I today?
Whoever you think I am.

Intentions

If I had a dollar for every intention I’ve ever had, I’d have a lot of dollars!! There are so many things I intend to begin, do and finish…the list is endless!! For example, I sometimes pile things I would like to read. Then after the pile gets too high and I’m frustrated, I throw the whole pile away. Sometimes I think it is a commitment problem, sometimes I think I’m lazy…mostly I’ve come to believe I just don’t do everything I intend to do and need to revisit what intentions are really about. It is definitely time for a reality check.

The lovely thing about being part of Tuesday Topic is that the intention to blog has a new element of pressure to it. I have to think about how disappointed Jen Goode would be if I didn’t blog or how some of the other bloggers of the group would feel if I didn’t fulfill this commitment. I vowed to do this over milkshakes in the middle of the night at a Las Vegas conference. These are the pinnacle moments that define our lives and character. If you can’t keep a promise you’ve made after way too many cocktails over chocolate shakes, then your intentions are definitely in question. Or so I believe…

One of my peeves about intentions is when they are used as an excuse for promises not kept. When you ask a person why they haven’t fulfilled a promise and the answer is, “it was my intention…” It has dirty, rotten liar written all over it!! Intending to do something isn’t the same as doing it!! If you are going to do something just do it, intentions don’t cut it.

On that same note…I love intentions. When someone tells me about an intention, I get excited. Intending to do something is a promise of hope and vision. “My intended” is a loaded phrase as well promising the future of possibilities with a special someone. I prefer the notion even to fiancé. It is loaded with subconscious programming as to what the future might hold.

What are my intentions? Well, to express my innermost thoughts about how I view life and the subtle nature of the greenness of the pea. To study the nature of grass and other things that grows effortlessly creating the havoc of traffic and grocery store lines. These are all thoughts of a madwoman I know, but I never intended to be anything but what I am. Judge me as you wish, I bother no one by existing in my little slice of heaven on South Beach. I never intended to be anything more than what I am.

Finding Fair

Is there such a thing as fairness? Life seems so random on how fortune, looks, health, happiness and relationships are distributed. Even within the same family, siblings can have such different fates or the luck of the draw in personal assets and talents. It never seems fair to me. Some people are simply gorgeous, some are intelligent, wealthy, athletic, funny, etc., then you have the deformed, ugly, mentally challenged, impoverished or simply unhealthy range of people. When I think of this disparity in the human race, I am filled with gratitude. So much has been given to me and is often taken for granted. It is a humbling feeling every day.

Just think of how superficial it seems when young, healthy and beautiful people complain about a few extra pounds or not having a certain shaped nose or other body part. What are they really complaining about? Haven’t they seen the homeless, sometimes physically mangled person living on the street without a home to call his/her own? What about the person who lives in hunger not knowing when the next meal might present itself? Why have we become so hung up on things that don’t really matter?

Yesterday morning I saw an image of the brutal beating Rihanna had at the rage of Chris Brown. What on earth can any person do to provoke such anger? These are two beautiful, talented young adults with seemingly everything going for them. In any relationship, we are all meant to be tender with each other. What has gone wrong in this picture? Why would anyone want to hurt such a lovely girl? My heart cried out for Rihanna's pain and humiliation, actually for Chris Brown's as well...
Does anything seem fair?

I’m a Libra and always seeking balance. I detest injustice and anything ugly like racism, any form of violence, rudeness and mean spiritedness. Libras are lovers of fairness and harmony. However, I am acutely aware of the lack of fairness everywhere. It doesn’t make sense and it doesn’t make excuses, it is just life. Find fairness where you can, but it isn’t distributed evenly.

Unfortunately, there isn’t any way to fix the disparity in the world. The only thing we can do is live as fairly as possible. Follow the golden rule, don’t be seduced by superficiality, treat everyone with good will and live with an open, generous heart. Be tender, mindful of other people’s feelings, take interest in those around you, never lose your spirit and spread as much happiness as humanly possible. We only have each other and within that miracle of existence is the key to fairness. Create the world you’d like to live in everyday by creating the fairness you wish to find.

Patience is a Virtue, HA!!

When I was a little defenseless girl, the nuns at my school would tell me that patience was a virtue. It was meant to soothe my accelerated nature and actually frustrated me all the more. The reason being, I didn’t understand the concept. Unfortunately, I still don’t. What about being patient is so virtuous? What is the big deal? Is anything going to happen faster or slower due to one’s attitude towards it? I don’t get it!!

If I am dealing with someone who has some physical or mental deficiency, I know he won’t react as fast. By the same token I can’t move or think as fast as people who are stronger and brighter than I. Patience has nothing to do with it.

I couldn’t wait to make my own life decisions when I was an adolescent, and I had to wait until I entered my twenties to decide my own fate. Patience didn’t change that either!!

I yearn for certain hours and days to pass and it doesn’t change the measure of time. I long for the company of certain people and they manifest on their own pace. What I feel may attract them, but what happens and when is totally out of my control.

What does virtue have to do with it? Do things happen faster or better to those whom possess virtue or behave well? Isn’t that as empty as saying that blondes have more fun? Virtue has its own rewards by being good by intrinsic value. I still don’t see how patience plays a part in it…

I mean, if you’re hot, you want something cold. And when you are cold, you seek warmth. Patience doesn’t make the situation more comfortable. It might just delay relief. When I need to pay some bills or want a material thing, I seek earning the money I need for it. I don’t wait for it to manifest by my attracting the concept. Impatience imposes action, which is what is necessary to make things happen. How is that ever a virtue? Shall I just sit around waiting? I’d rather sleep or watch a video.

Let's not wait around...get up and do something!!

I can never possess you!

This morning, I woke up missing the object of my affection. My powerlessness came to my mind on wishing he were near me at that moment. First of all, I’m sure he’d be with me if he could be. Sometimes circumstances of work or other obligations separate people. Second, he has free will. People are usually exactly where they want to be at any particular moment in their lives. Lastly, I have no way of controlling where he or anyone else is. As selfish as I am, I never can determine anyone else’s fate or existence.

So, when someone says “I’m yours" or "You’re mine,” as sweet and interesting it may sound, it doesn’t go much further than that. It really isn’t so.

If we are lucky, we belong to ourselves and have some say in our daily lives and ultimately our fate. Most people are victims of other circumstances outside of them, where they were born, how and what has happened to them along the way. As a child of a family of non-conformers, I was told I had power over my own destiny and could create my own lot in the world. My parents also warned me of the pitfalls of certain mistakes and errors in judgment which automatically destroy those possibilities in life. They taught me to observe and learn about life to avoid many mistakes and attempt to live wisely. I’m glad I listened.

It was also my father who told me that once you have a child, it isn’t really yours anymore. “Children don’t belong to their parents, they belong to the world. A parent’s job is merely to raise them and teach them how to live.” I am not a parent, so what I understood was the pain in my father’s powerlessness and realized it was true of all relationships. We really have no say in anything, do we? We can only love and support each other and hope the feelings and commitment are returned.

Instead of sadness, I felt joy at the idea. It is actually liberating to feel what you feel regardless of the outcome and let the chips fall where they may!!

Do you trust your feelings?

(for Kerry)

As a 44 year old, divorced woman with my share of life’s mistakes; perhaps I should have married someone else, had children, studied towards a completely different career or chosen to live in some other city /country. Here I am and here I am…A conglomeration of the decisions and choices I’ve made and mistakes I’ve committed. Luckily, I sleep well and night and I truly like the person I’ve become. I enjoy what I do for a living, have wonderful friends and live a comfortable life in South Beach. When I review what I have done and how I lived up to this point, I am at peace and enjoy my memories. The only regret I sometimes have is not always having trusted my instincts completely. There were times that I knew certain outcomes without any proof, yet I ignored them. I didn’t listen to the inner voice which we all possess telling me what is right in front of me. Inevitably, the outcome was exactly what I knew it would be and I wasted my time giving either the situation or person a chance. Stupid I…What I wonder is if I created the waste of time by my thoughts or if my perceptions were right on target from the get go.

Do you trust your feelings? When you meet someone and they seem like a soul mate or just the person you were expecting to welcome into your life, are those signals correct? Is it just wishful thinking?

When I was in college, I met someone I thought should be an artist. He had never considered art as an occupation much less as anything to consider pursuing. I convinced him, knowing deep within my soul that he was an untapped source of creativity and needed to develop. Now, he is a major, international curator and lives a life few even dare to dream about. I tapped into something there! I knew it.

Recently, I met a man where we both feel an amazing connection. Should we trust it? Believe me, I’ve been attracted to men before and felt special vibes on other occasions. Somehow this time is different…there is a knowing although I really don’t “know him.”

So, should I trust it and embrace the inner consciousness that tells me this is my soul mate or should I be apprehensive and wait to know everything I can possibly know about him and overanalyze every word, step and gesture? Right! I don’t have that type of attention span, but you know what I mean…the real question is about trusting one’s instincts and inner voice. The reality is that there have been great works of literature and endless movies exploring the complexity of relationships and the fact that after sharing a lifetime together, you may one day wake up to someone you never knew. The complexity even grows deeper into the realization of the individual not having even known him or her. We never “really” know!

So, why don’t we trust it? We don’t trust ourselves. It has nothing to do with the other individual. We don’t trust our choices, judgment and risk taking…We don’t really trust ourselves! What a concept.

Now let’s break this down a bit. Think about your life disappointments AND successes. Wasn’t the difference usually your attitude and outlook? Or do you believe the old adage that “the road to hell is paved with good intentions” and we have no part in the outcome? It may just come down to what you choose to believe.