Do you trust your feelings?

(for Kerry)

As a 44 year old, divorced woman with my share of life’s mistakes; perhaps I should have married someone else, had children, studied towards a completely different career or chosen to live in some other city /country. Here I am and here I am…A conglomeration of the decisions and choices I’ve made and mistakes I’ve committed. Luckily, I sleep well and night and I truly like the person I’ve become. I enjoy what I do for a living, have wonderful friends and live a comfortable life in South Beach. When I review what I have done and how I lived up to this point, I am at peace and enjoy my memories. The only regret I sometimes have is not always having trusted my instincts completely. There were times that I knew certain outcomes without any proof, yet I ignored them. I didn’t listen to the inner voice which we all possess telling me what is right in front of me. Inevitably, the outcome was exactly what I knew it would be and I wasted my time giving either the situation or person a chance. Stupid I…What I wonder is if I created the waste of time by my thoughts or if my perceptions were right on target from the get go.

Do you trust your feelings? When you meet someone and they seem like a soul mate or just the person you were expecting to welcome into your life, are those signals correct? Is it just wishful thinking?

When I was in college, I met someone I thought should be an artist. He had never considered art as an occupation much less as anything to consider pursuing. I convinced him, knowing deep within my soul that he was an untapped source of creativity and needed to develop. Now, he is a major, international curator and lives a life few even dare to dream about. I tapped into something there! I knew it.

Recently, I met a man where we both feel an amazing connection. Should we trust it? Believe me, I’ve been attracted to men before and felt special vibes on other occasions. Somehow this time is different…there is a knowing although I really don’t “know him.”

So, should I trust it and embrace the inner consciousness that tells me this is my soul mate or should I be apprehensive and wait to know everything I can possibly know about him and overanalyze every word, step and gesture? Right! I don’t have that type of attention span, but you know what I mean…the real question is about trusting one’s instincts and inner voice. The reality is that there have been great works of literature and endless movies exploring the complexity of relationships and the fact that after sharing a lifetime together, you may one day wake up to someone you never knew. The complexity even grows deeper into the realization of the individual not having even known him or her. We never “really” know!

So, why don’t we trust it? We don’t trust ourselves. It has nothing to do with the other individual. We don’t trust our choices, judgment and risk taking…We don’t really trust ourselves! What a concept.

Now let’s break this down a bit. Think about your life disappointments AND successes. Wasn’t the difference usually your attitude and outlook? Or do you believe the old adage that “the road to hell is paved with good intentions” and we have no part in the outcome? It may just come down to what you choose to believe.